Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
