You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
