it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
