I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
