I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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