I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
