3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
