i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
