so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
