they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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