You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
