Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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