have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
