So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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