My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
