I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
