I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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