lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
