I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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