I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
