I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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