I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
