Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
