Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
