well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
