My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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