I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
