We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
