I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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