Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
