Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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