There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
