After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
