the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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