My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
