she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
