Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
