i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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