I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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