He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
