I need help removing her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
