all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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