I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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