We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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