I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
