So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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