My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
