Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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