I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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