i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
