Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
