so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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