lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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