barbara walters just said penis...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
